The Tour Bus of Doom

5 Oct

Today I have the special privilege of introducing two very special authors, Elizabeth Ann Scarborough and co author K. B. Dundee. Both their talents were combined in writing The Tour Bus of Doom, which I believe is their third book that they have written together. Another one will feature later in the month, so be sure to watch out for it.

Elizabeth Ann Scarborough is the author of 22 solo fantasy and science fiction novels, including the 1989 Nebula award winning fantasy novel, Healer’s War, loosely based on her service as an Army Nurse in Vietnam during the Vietnam War. She has collaborated thus far on 16 novels with Anne McCaffrey, six in the best selling Petaybee series and eight in the YA bestselling Acorna series, and most recently, the Tales of the Barque Cat series, Catalyst and coming in December 2010, Catacombs (from Del Rey). Her last published solo novel was CLEOPATRA 7.2, soon to be re-released for e-Book download and print on demand under the Fortune imprint of Gypsy Shadow Publishing.

The Tour Bus of Doom.
The Tour Bus of Doom rolls into a small coastal town, spewing zombies to rampage down the main street. To the beat of eerie drum music, they loot, kidnap, and zombie-fy innocent citizens. Spam the cat, self-appointed feline defender of the town, watches in horror from the rooftops. When the zombies abduct Spam’s jeweler friend and take over the nursing home, Spam is certain they are also responsible for the disappearance of his next-door neighbor Mr. Barker, partner of retired police dog, Officer Bubba. Then Marigold, Spam’s half sister, reports that her human family, who went missing while on a mission of mercy to earthquake ravaged Haiti, has finally returned home, just long enough to take their valuables. And They. Don’t. Even. Recognize. Her.

All of that is dire enough, but then the zombies go too far and take over the bodies of the owner and server at Spam’s favorite fish’n’chips place. Searching for help from his vampire friend Maddog, Spam meets a new cat in town, the sinuous Havana Brown Erzullie, who arrived with the zombies. Aided (sort of) by her, Renfrew the raccoon, the urban deer cat taxi service, Rocky the vampcat, and his half-siblings Marigold and Mat, the heroic feline must investigate, before the zombie apocalyps-o destroys not only his town, but his home and his beloved Darcy.

Just when he thinks he may have the situation well in paw, the zombie hunters from Seattle arrive, responding to a bounty on the heads of the zombies. What they don’t realize is that they have the wrong brand of zombies, the un-plagued un-dead, who could revive as long as they keep their heads.

   Chapter 1

First came the vampires. After all the movies promoting our neck of the woods (the Olympic National Forest, to be exact) as being ideal for the undead, out of town vampires arrived. I helped deport some of them, since they were Canadian, but even I’ll admit Spam, Vampire Deporter just doesn’t have the sound bite—pardon the expression—that slayer does.

When the Tour Bus of Doom pulled up in front of Elevated Ice Cream, I felt no sense of dread or foreboding, but instead hightailed it to my favorite bench on the back deck. Some of my best friends are tourists. Travelers lonely for their cats at home bribe me with whipped cream and melted ice cream, hoping to cop a pet. Unless they are very young and their hands are very sticky, I graciously oblige. I love imagining the frenzied rubbing and marking the tourists are in for when they return home and their feline housemates get a whiff of Spam.

I’ve made lots of new friends in the last few months. For a while, after the whole vampire thing, I was worried about our human mom Darcy, but she needed me less than I thought she would. In fact, since I rescued her, once she recovered from the shock, she started hanging out with—of all people—Deputy Shelter Dude, the sheriff’s deputy who used to take care of the shelter! That made all of us cats nervous, especially Rocky, though now that he is a catpire (or vampcat if you prefer) he sleeps in the cupboard most of the day so isn’t too aware of what happens then.

The first time Deputy Daryl was still there when the sun went down, Rocky took one look at him—no, one sniff—and rocketed out the cat flap to which only he and I have keys. Maddog, who seems to be sort of Vampire Law and Order South of the (Canadian) Border, installed my private entrance after he helped me rescue Darcy. He recognized the kind of cat I am. He also noticed that Rocky, trying to defend our house, had become a bloodsucker like him. Darcy hadn’t figured out that Maddog and Rocky were both vampires, which was a good thing because after her last experience, she was sick of them. But even she realized I am no ordinary housecat.

Having had a taste of the great outdoors, where I made quite a few new friends, I had no desire to return to being housebound, even to oversee the office, which was my former career. I became an unusual creature in Port Deception, an outdoor cat. Not a stray, not feral, and not lunch for coyotes, thanks to Rocky’s new hunting habits as Vampcat the Coyote Slayer, but an emancipated cat, with my own entry to my house and the freedom to come and go as I wished.

In the long bright hours of summer when the grass smelled sweet and the light sea breeze kept my fur coat from being too hot for comfort, I definitely wished to be out. Not only was there my network of four-legged friends-who-were-not-cats to maintain, I had on my previous expeditions encountered several of my half brothers and sisters, as well as my father, and I wanted to deepen my family ties. This puzzled my mother and my brothers, who couldn’t care less about the old man’s other litters.

But there were some good practical reasons I wanted to be connected to them. For a cat with an exhaustingly wide-ranging if transitory territory, having many siblings who might be prevailed upon to share a napping spot and a food dish when said cat grew footsore and hungry was a good thing. Besides, seeing my lookalike half-brothers and sisters gave me a sense of what my life could have been like. Not that I wanted to trade. I was just, you know, curious.

Most of them fared pretty well, as gorgeous orange tabby cats such as ourselves are apt to do, but Marigold, the last one on my rounds tonight, was so upset I could hear her crying from the street. I don’t have that many lookalike sisters, as for some strange reason cats of our coloring tend to be male. However, Marigold looked just like my brothers and me, except for the girly bits. If it hadn’t been for me, she wouldn’t be alive now. I’d met her and her mother right after she was born at Christmas and kept the owls and coyotes off them till they were rescued by humans and eventually found nice homes. Deputy Daryl told Darcy it was love at first sight between Marigold and her little human girl Amy, less of a cat mom and more of a kitten-sister.

“What’s the matter, Sis?” I asked through the mail slot. “Is someone standing on your tail?”

“Nooo, but my family’s gone and left me and I don’t think I’ll ever see them again,” she cried. “They’ve been gone so long and I tell you, Spammy, I’ve got a terrible feeling about this.”

“They covered the important parts though, didn’t they? Someone comes to feed you and change your box?”

“It doesn’t matter! They’ve been gone weeks and weeks. Even the sitter says they’ve been gone a lot longer than she agreed to take care of me. She wants to go away too! I want my own people back. NYOW!”

“You said they went on vacation, a cruise to some island somewhere?”

“They would not leave me to go play. They are on an important relief mission to help hurricane victims on some wretched island. They think those people need them, but I need them too. And I had them first!”

I really felt I should do something about her situation, but there was a mail slot between us. “If I could come in, I would show you how to work the computer,” I told her. “Then you could maybe go online and find them, since you can’t get out.”

“I know how to use the computer,” she said. “I’ve played video games till I have carpaw tunnel syndrome.”

“I am,” I told her. “Let me know if they show up. I know how upsetting it can be to feel abandoned by your human.”

Since I couldn’t make her feel better, I decided to try instead to make me feel better and proceeded down the hill and into downtown, making a sharp left at the second intersection, pitter-patting across the street and walking boldly into the ice cream store.

My friend Amanda had the counter alone that night, while Eric the ice cream maker worked in the back. Elevated Ice Cream is the best place in town for a nocturnal critter like me, since they are open till 10 to accommodate people who come in to get goodies after the movies and ball games.

Even so, on weeknights when there is no game at Memorial Field, the town is mostly quiet as the evening rolls on. You can hear the bugs buzzing the streetlights. They would be in real trouble if cats could fly! A few people still wandered the sidewalks, but not a soul sat in the red plastic booths opposite the freezers full of cooling flavors or the patio chairs set around little tables in the back.

Nevertheless, I was not allowed to remain on the premises. Amanda and I had worked out a deal. I meowed to let her know I was ready to be served. She came around the counter and knelt down to give me a couple of pets, held my face in her hands and looked into my eyes, “Your usual,  sir?”

“Meow,” I said, affirmatively.

This book is available at:–Purranormal-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B009I3WMGA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349329033&sr=8-1&keywords=the+tour+bus+of+doom

Thank you Elizabeth and Mr Dundee

4 Responses to “The Tour Bus of Doom”

  1. Dawn Colclasure October 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm #

    Sounds like a great story! I’ll have to check it out sometime. Love the cover. It is awesome!

    • annepetzer October 5, 2012 at 6:51 pm #

      It’s the third one in the Spam series. I just bought as I have read the other two and loved them. Thanks for the support Dawn.

  2. Sheila Deeth October 5, 2012 at 11:28 pm #

    Cool! I love the way it pulls you straight in!


  1. The Tour Bus of Doom « Chalaedra's Weblog - October 5, 2012

    […] The Tour Bus of Doom. […]

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